This Unbearable Lightness of Being

This breaking, shaking, crying, trying, lying, shouting, crowding. It leaves my body full of unbearable heaviness, so full that my skin shivers with the constant reminder that this is real. I wake up every morning and I still pinch myself and I ask no one, "Is this real, tell me it's just a nightmare."

Every time I stop, I begin to think how could something so wrong be so real. How could so many lies win over so much truth and this leaves my head spinning with this unbearable heaviness. And I try to retain these thick streams of thoughts that remind me why I smile, but it's hard.

But I'm wrong, I'm wrong and I'm not alone, and I have to remember this, I'm not alone. That this compassion that I carry is just a piece, a fragment. That this piece is but one out of countless, endless amounts of pieces that we all carry. And now I see that I don't just carry this unbearable heaviness by myself and myself alone, but my numerous brothers and sisters all carry it as well. Some more heavy than others and this helps me to create this conduit where I can store some of this burden, or even release some of it.

I will not abandon hope, I will not abandon my family, my friends, this city, and I will not abandon myself. Some days I don't even feel this unbearable lightness of being and I cherish those times, those hours, those days. It reminds me of why I must not give up, not give in, and it reminds me that I can continue to carry this weight because it's only as heavy as I let it become.