awkward

Lousy Generation

"You listen to me. You say you don't want to tell me how to live my life. So what do you think you've been doing? You tell me what rights I've got or haven't got, and what I owe to you for what you've done for me. Let me tell you something. I owe you nothing! If you carried that bag a million miles, you did what you're supposed to do! Because you brought me into this world. And from that day you owed me everything you could ever do for me like I will owe my son if I ever have another. But you don't own me! You can't tell me when or where I'm out of line, or try to get me to live my life according to your rules. You don't even know what I am, Dad, you don't know who I am. You don't know how I feel, what I think. And if I tried to explain it the rest of your life you will never understand. You are 30 years older than I am. You and your whole lousy generation believes the way it was for you is the way it's got to be. And not until your whole generation has lain down and died will the dead weight of you be off our backs! You understand, you've got to get off my back! Dad... Dad, you're my father. I'm your son. I love you. I always have and I always will. But you think of yourself as a colored man. I think of myself as a man. Now, I've got a decision to make, hm? And I've got to make it alone, and I gotta make it in a hurry. So would you go out there and see after my mother?"

-Sidney Poitier "Guess Who's coming to Dinner" 1967

I don't whole-heartedly agree with this whole monolouge but when I first saw this movie and heard this part, it really struck a chord with me. I think the point that I like the most is, "Because you brought me into this world. And from that day you owed me everything you could ever do for me like I will owe my son if I ever have another." I think that happens all too often when parents think their children owe them something or everything but really, we don't owe them anything.

I like the "lousy generation" part too. 

Processed. Print. Four.

Pentax K1000/ Kodak Portra 400

Pomona, December 2011

The biggest unexpected surprise of 2011 was raising a dog, and becoming a dog owner. One day in January my dad brought this little puppy home on his lunch break from work. He told my brother and I that some random stranger tried giving the puppy to his coworker but he didn't want it so he asked my dad and my dad took her home. I remember my niece and nephew being so excited, running around in the front lawn with her.

At first my brother agreed that he would keep the dog so I figured that was fine, I didn't think I had enough time anyway to take care of her. After a few days my brother decided that it was too much work to house train her/ train her/ take care of her so he asked me to find her a new home. My two youngest sisters were living in San Gabriel at the time and they thought they would try taking her in. After the first night they brought her back.

I felt really bad that this little puppy couldn't find a decent home and I really wanted to keep her but I thought I wasn't capable of taking care of her so I asked a bunch of people that I knew could give her a good home and eventually gave her to my friend Yesenia. Yesenia had her for a few days and really did want to keep her but her mother thought it was a bad idea because Yesenia's sisters were so in love with the puppy and her mom thought the puppy was too much of a distraction. So Yesenia called me and asked me if I could take her back.

I remember on the drive back home "Toph" came onto my lap and fell asleep. I think for me, that was the final straw, having her go to three new homes and no one being able to keep her. I felt bad, I didn't want to send her to another home only to be rejected again. On that car ride home I promised to her that I would take care of her the best I could.

It's funny because my niece and nephew named her Roxy and my sisters named her Moose "moo moo" and Yesenia named her Pretzel. I pretty much disliked all of those names and I ended up naming her Toph- pronounced- "toff"-"ta-off" not "toe-oph" "toof".

Toph is an awesome dog and I'm happy to have her in my life. Shes pretty smart, obeys me (sometimes), is affectionate, the best story-teller, hypoallergenic, doesn't shed her fur, friendly(to most people), housetrained like a wizard, and most of all my best friend. My sister Ly pointed out that it was nice to see a side of me that she never saw, my nurturing side. I'm the youngest of five children, all I ever had to take care of was myself and a few pet turtles. I didn't have a younger sibling to take care and when I got Toph this whole new side of me came out, I pretty much became a dad/ older brother.

So far the hardest part of being a pet owner was when I had to take Toph to get spayed, and the whole ordeal of having her down and out like that was the longest week of my life. But she got through it and I lived through it.

I really love this photo of her sleeping, I always wonder what she dreams about.

And the same goes for my suffering. I suffer everyday, I suffer from all the sadness of my sisters, brothers, parents, friends, and people that I don't personally know. Just being able to recognize that suffering helps me to see it and it gives me the footing to hold that suffering and release it from my heart. Somedays are harder, and somedays I feel so light and free that I forget about all the suffering, those are the days that I'm grateful for but I'm also grateful for those other days.

Save The Pomona Public Library

I want to do everything I can to fight this, to save our library. This library means the world to me and so many of our residents in Pomona. I remember as a child going straight to the "how to draw" books, I would spend hours and hours with those books. I've checked out so many books from this library for school projects, research, and just for my own enjoyment of reading.

If they take away this library they are depriving our future generations from access to so much knowledge but also so much necessary materials to help them thrive, help them grow. We can't let this happen, and I know that I'm going to do everything I can to keep the heart of our city up and running. Please help Pomona keep it's library by sharing this and signing the petition below.

http://www.change.org/petitions/pomona-city-council-don-t-close-the-library-don-t-open-a-trash-station

Love,
Tony

no no no

Wye Oak- Civilian

I don't need another friend
When most of them I can barely keep up with them
Perfectly able to hold my own hand
But I still can't kiss my own neck

tuesday

we've come so far but

How Far Have We Gone Off Track (Japanther)  1 of 9
Gouache and Ink on paper
2011

Fine Print Issue Five

Fine Print issue number five has finally arrived.
This issue's theme was "home" and the contributors were asked to submit any medium of artwork that kept that theme in mind. I was fortunate enough to get two of my artist friends that I admire very much, Cristie Wilson, and Eunice San Miguel to contribute to this issue. Thanks to Eric for all the hard work and putting this out even though he had/has so much going on. Congratulations graduate!

Please contact me or Eric at http://fineprintcollective.tumblr.com/ if you would like to buy a copy or if you want to contribute to Issue number six! Also if you have any comments or suggestions for this zine, please feel free to talk to us!

Enjoy!

Hope

The council meeting for the agenda- closing of the Pomona public library has been moved to next Monday June 25th at 6:00pm. Programs are getting cut left and right in Pomona because our city council, mayor, city clerks, and so called leaders have not done what is best for our future. They have worried more about their personal monetary gain than the livelihood of this city and it's residents.

I can't let this stand and I don't think anyone should. Please come out on Monday June 25th to City Hall Council Chambers right across from the Pomona public library to have a voice in this matter, to give your ideas of how we can balance this years budget, how we can keep our Library, our firefighters. Someone said tonight that the Library is the heart of our city, and I think that is definitely true. But who is to say that a city only has one heart, I truly believe that the heart of Pomona is also the people who love and care about this city and want to see it get better for future generations to come.

Everyone who signs a speaker card on Monday has a chance to speak in front of the city council. If you think the library should remain open, and if you have an ideas of how we can balance this budget, please come on Monday.

With love and so much hope,
Tony

under the concrete

Bah ba

Happy fathers day to my dad, my brother, and all the new dads and old dads out there. My sister Ly wrote this about my dad today and I wanted to share it because it really resonated with me and since my sister and I do have the same dad I definitely see where these words are coming from- "Through my own mindfulness practice, I see my father as a person and not just my dad. I've also realized that I don't need him to be the perfect dad in order to love him. I can love him for just the person he is, with all of his strengths and faults."

My sisters words remind me that I need to be more mindful everyday with not only my dad but my sisters, brothers and everyone around me and I have to see people as people and I can't expect them to be the person I would want them to be or the person I think they should be.

If I ever become a father I promise I'll be there for my children, I promise to give them as much love and support that all the fathers in my life have given me and more.

forever ago

"I'll mess you up!" -just kidding, I'll give you a hug, if you want one of course.
Abraham letting me play dress up at his job, a few months back feel like forever ago.

legit

Jenny and Grandpa, I'm so proud of my big sister for graduating college, not only that but graduating in the top 1% of her class. With the highest honors- Summa Cum Laude. Go Jenny!

Hopefully this means that she will stop forgetting where she places her keys.

guitar playin' kook

I think I should adopt the nickname given to me when I was a child, and I can use it if I ever join a traveling family band.
"Skinny Bone Jones"

continue

but I have to
continue away from here
away from this idea

A.A. Bondy- I can see the pines are dancing

This is the light that shines
And I can see the pines are dancing
This is the leaving of another love
This is the howling at the moon
These are the arms you fell into
I am a fire and I must burn today

chips and newspapers

Ly and little girl, Oakland Airport, February 2010

ph. mb. pt. six- Roommates and adventures

March 2009

This is the first year Xavier and I lived together, along with three other friends in a two bedroom apartment right by campus. I actually really liked all of my roommates, there were weird times and a few conflicts here and there but overall, we all had good relationships during this time.

Xavier showing off his cookie/milk mustache. I'm proud and happy that we lived in such a clean, tidy, and organized apartment. I'm glad that we all were clean people that picked up after ourselves and that we all did our weekly chores every single week, or at least we were forced to be. That whiteboard behind Xavier was pretty important because we would write down important messages, post up house bills/rent, write love notes and reminders and other silly things. 

I shared a room with Andrew(not pictured) and Xavier. While Chao(pictured) and Stuart shared another room. I thought it was so funny how Chao and Stuart were probably the most incompatible people in the apartment and that they shared a room together. But it worked out just fine, except when any of us weren't talking to the other, then it was weird.

Towards the end of March, Chao, Xavier, and I went on a trip to Santa Cruz to stay with Chao's sister and sisters husband for the weekend. This was my first time in Santa Cruz and the same for Xavier. We spent a lot of time in downtown and too much time at the beaches. That's all I really remember from the trip. Oh and the best part of it all was sleeping in this weird attic and all three of us hit our heads on the ceiling at least once! And that Chao's sister and sisters husband were the nicest people ever.

This was taken from an Egon Schiele book at some random bookstore in downtown. I've always been obsessed with the way he drew his hands, it was always the hands that got me.

On our last day of our trip we decided to travel south to the city of Monterey. Xavier and Chao almost rented kayaks but I remember it being a little too expensive so we just ended up hanging out on these cliffs and looking at this amazing view.

That was such a great year, and such a period of immense growth for me and I'm sure for all of my roommates. Xavier and I ended up going our separate way from the rest of our roommates and found a small place near downtown. It was just as the summer was ending, and there were hard feelings but I hope that those are all gone even though I don't talk to a couple of them anymore. I'll always remember that year, and all the great times that I had with all of my roommates, and I'm so thankful for them and I'm glad we shared so much and learned so much from each other.

End

Back and forth
Emptiness ensues
Going on and on
In until we're done
Nothing in view

Sleep

Bloc Party- This Modern Love

What I've been missing

In Wonderland- The Surrealist Adventures of Women Artists in Mexico and The United States

May 4 2012

Planned for weeks, Amy, Abraham, and I finally got to see the "In Wonderland Exhibit" along with practically every other exhibition going on at the Los Angeles Contemporary Museum of Art. I asked them if they would want to save the wonderland exhibit for last and they said yes so we went to the other buildings first.

Kathe Kollwitz Das Volk 1922-23

This was one of the first pieces of that day that really resonated with me. While studying relief printing in school, I was always drawn to the negative space in art and especially in printmaking. I love this woodcut by Kollwitz because of all that negative space, the look of agony, the hands, the unmoved face in the center. I thought it was interesting because looking around in the room, there were so many detailed woodcuts, intaglio prints, lithography prints, but this one was by far my favorite.

Morris Louis Beta Ro 1959-1960

I've seen a lot of Louis pieces in big museums and I've never really been a fan but for some reason I really enjoyed this one and I've learned to appreciate this kind of abstract expressionism more in the past few years. I was really excited to see some Richard Diebenkorn pieces but they only had one and I realized, "oh yeah, I'm not in the bay area, of course I'm not going to see a whole room of bay area figurative movement pieces".

Jesus Rafael Soto Penetrable 1990

A sculpture that moves with the viewer. I think everyone loves interactive art pieces. I do, and when I found out there weren't any signs that said "DO NOT TOUCH" I was all over it. I remembering being in the sculpture with a ton of little kids running around and feeling like I enjoyed it just as much as they did.

Happy mistakes are good and overexposing this shot was one of those really happy mistakes. I love this photo of Amy. It's a perfect representation of an amazing woman.

I remember telling Abraham, "look sad!" I like this face better, on the verge of smiling.

Chris Burden Metropolis II 2010

This is by far, in my young life, the coolest kinetic installation I've ever witnessed. Thank you Chris Burden for making a lot of kids dreams come true. It was funny to imagine having this as a child or any child having this in their home. When we got to this piece there were a ton of people surrounding it and the cars were just sitting on the bottom and on the conveyer belt not yet moving. It wasn't until a technician went in the center of the piece and flipped a switch and that's when all the cars started zipping by. And what made it even better was you could go up a flight of stairs that would let you look down at the piece, literally a bird's eye view. Now I want to see an entire building that holds a small/big city by Burden.

Frida Kahlo Frieda y Diego Rivera 1931

And finally, we arrived at the Resnick Pavilion for a very special exhibition. What a wonderful collection of work from so many amazing surrealist artist. The space was so crowded, and people just flocked to the Kahlo paintings. This portrait of Frida and Rivera has always been my favorite, I remember seeing it in an art book once and noticing her feet compared to his. And for some reason I've always hated that and loved it at the same time, and finally seeing it in person was just a very cool experience. I had to get a photo of the feet.

Sylvia Fein The Tea Party 1943

And then I saw all these wonderful paintings by Sylvia Fein and I fell in love again. I think the nice thing about this exhibit was finding out about so many amazing artist. I went into it knowing about Louise Bourgeois, Kay Sage, Frida Kahlo, Lee Miller, Remedios Varo, but I've never even seen a glimpse of these amazing paintings by Sylvia Fien, Dorothea Tanning, Gerrie Gutmann and plenty more.

By far this painting by Sylvia Fein was my favorite, the amount of ghost like detail in the foreground and background was just stunning and made me want to paint more. Absolutely gorgeous.

The walk back to the car, starving and excited for Abraham to take us to the infamous Swingers diner in Hollywood. Amy and I were not disappointed, well I kinda was just because I chose the wrong dish but the vegan nachos, sweet potato fries and bite of Abe's Swinger burger made it a new favorite spot.



























These two, trying to find Narnia.

One of my favorite discoveries of the day was finding out that Abraham is really knowledgable about plants. We officially have a botanist as a best friend, I don't know the name of this flower but I'm sure Abe could tell you. He collected a ton of succulents and brought them home to grow. I picked a rose for Amy and got one of the dirtiest looks from some neighbor lady, she also said some things but I was in the heat of the moment so I didn't hear her.



























And our night ended with the Griffith Observatory. All the years that I've lived in the Los Angeles area I've never been to the Griffith Observatory. Yes, I know, I'm a noob. And what do you know, the moon was out glowing and showing off. The observatory is so cool, there were all kinds of people there, young adults, little kids on field trips, old scientist dads explaining the wonders of the sun to their uninterested children. We walked the entire perimeter and got to see all the cool stuff inside. I liked walking on the scales for each planet to see how much I weighed. I definitely want to go back soon to get a fuller experience. We only had a chance to take a few pictures with Albert Einstein, not even enough time to talk to him!

And here's to Amy and Abraham for being great friends and for sharing such a great day together.
(photo credit- Abraham Jupiter Santos II and Amy Hamburgerler Bones)

Hellhole Ratrace

waiting

Hayward, Ca. 2007

jeh je

Billowing words of influence
Inspiring these fingers to move
Grateful for this unspoken truce

Steady like your movement in this world
Invested so much in this existence
Surround us and protect me from this cold
Thick like these layers of heritage
Every time I hear your voice
Reminding me that I’m loved

LA County Fair

 


Los Angeles County Fair 2011

I know it's early but I'm excited to go to the county fair this year with more awesome friends!