ph. mb. pt. four- Critical Mass

March 27, 2009

critical mass |ˈˌkrɪdəkəl ˈmæs|

noun
-the minimum size or amount of something required to start or maintain a venture.

Critical Mass in San Francisco was a bike ride of about 400 people on the last Friday of each month. The point of critical mass was to show that bike riding around the city is possible and anyone can do it, and to make more people aware that the roads are for bicyclist as well. This was the main idea behind critical mass but the more and more I went those these, the more and more people would abuse this amazing event.

A group of 400-600 people on bikes was a pretty amazing sight and on a Friday night, you could just imagine how much traffic it caused. It was great to see all kinds of ages and types of people, so many people in the bay area use bikes as their main mode of transportation but like in any other city, there are much more cars, so usually, it would be a mixed review. Motorist that were on the road would be frustrated because of the traffic and bystanders would cheer on the crowd.

With any event like this, there will always be those handful of people that do something inappropriate to spoil the entire event for everyone or even give critical mass a bad image. Whether it was drunk people riding bikes, or people yelling violently at motorist, bicyclist surrounding a vehicle (which happened on multiple occasions because the motorist would try and drive into the crowd to get by but would always end up being trapped), or whatever else that was more of a negative aspect than a positive one always seemed to happen every month.

Other than the negative aspects, I always looked forward to the last Fridays of every month. It always felt nice because I was sharing something so simple and awesome with hundreds of people. And riding in tunnels are just so much fun!

The Walking Dead Season II Finale

This year, Xavier, Lily, and I were submersed in a television show called The Walking Dead. This was season II and our Sundays became sort of ritualistic in the nicest way. Lily had the idea of making cookies for this eventful season finale and came up with some clever cookies for the occasion. I was in charge of making smoothies and Xavier was in charge of impersonating Toph the dog. 

The cookies ended up being poisoned and Lily left Xavier and I passed out on the floor while her and Toph got to see the season finale. When we awoke, she couldn't stop talking about how great it was and that she couldn't wait until season three.

This month

passengers

streaming, streaking through this cloudy morning
the sound of the engine echoes from the back of the bus
half smiles, eyes barely open like the slits in these passing fences

pounding, pacing through this empty freeway
the shrieking from the windshield wipers make my skin move
conversations start and end like the route of this bus

facing, falling through these cracks in the ground
the pelting of the rain surrounds us entirely
passengers come and go like everyone before them

constantly, consciously moving through this day
passing through, I'm just a passenger passing through

Fleet Foxes- Take Away Show

   

what a life i lead in the summer
what a life i lead in the spring
what a life i lead in the winded breeze
what a life i lead in the spring

what a life i lead when the sun breaks free
as a giant torn from the clouds
what a life indeed when that ancient seed
is a berry watered and plowed

what a life
what a life
what a life
what a life

what a life i lead in the summer
what a life i lead in the spring
what a life i lead in the winded breeze
what a life i lead in the spring

Tiffany, Los Angeles, 2010

March 30 2012

March 29th 2012

Adrien Parker

"mhm"
"bizarre"
"actually"
"king taco"

Days off

Days off

Clock in, clock out

Longing for closure

Open as wide as I can

Senses overwhelmed

Everyday I'm in, I'm out

Tricked into thinking we're supposed to

Often, too often

Meander into this day off
Entrance, exit

Maybe too much?

What I Say

Sometimes/most of the time/I get silly.

March 24th 2012

March 23rd 2012

Hold on

Hold on 2009

mixed media on two wood panels

At this time I was exploring with collaging objects to my paintings, I used kite string for this painting. I remember being really stressed out around this time, school was a stressful time for me, at points. I remember I was taking 20+ units and I made this painting around midterms. I wanted to express the worries, stress, anxieties, and fears that I had.

This was a self portrait, there are three of me because they represent the different moods at one time or day. The balloons are symbols of hope for me, hope and goals. I'm constantly attached to my hopes, the things I want to achieve, and this whole idea that school was supposed to help me reach that. I wanted to use the break that comes with using two panels and incorporate that into the painting itself. So the strings were cut in the space between the two panels to suggest that the ties have been severed. That I was falling away from these hopes and goals. I gave myself really long hair to represent my longing, that constant longing for something that wasn't quite there.

I named the piece, "Hold on" because I always reminded myself that even though it seems like those goals are so far away, that what I'm trying to achieve seems like it's not even connected to me anymore,   I have to keep going, that I have to hold on somehow. So that's why the figures are trying to hold on but can only hold on to themselves. I learned that all of my goals, my hopes, all of that was up to me. Everything that I wanted to achieve was in direct relation to how much I wanted to do it, how much energy I put into it, how much I wanted to hold on to it.

Sometimes I made pieces that really helped me deal with what was going on, and most of the time I would subconsciously finish a piece and incorporate all these symbols without even knowing it until it was done or halfway through. This piece was definitely one of those that helped me recognize what was going on, and it helped me deal. 

Photogram

This is a photogram that I did for a black & white photography class in 2008. I wanted to incorporate drawing into the photogram, and stencils because I didn't any of that from examples. Photograms are basically images that block out light from exposing onto a piece of photo paper, like a stencil. So I just thought of it like that, and this was the end result. A self portrait.

Bon Iver- Lump Sum- A Take Away Show

"or so the story goes
balance we won't know
we will see when it gets warm"

Waste of breath

Just those few words 

It isn't so easy

Step in so gently

Stepped out so abruptly

Just let it go
I sleep on it so suddenly
I wake up overwhelmed
Just those few words

September 2010

March 20 2012

There was something distinctly different about this Tuesday. Maybe it was the way the light seeped in through the kitchen blinds. Maybe it was the way the car felt when I left work, the heat stinging my nose until I felt it in my eyes. I thought about you a lot today. I thought about how you were doing, if you were happy, tired, confused, content. I thought about how worried everyone is. I thought about how worried I was then I realized that you don't need another ounce of those worried thoughts. I realized that you needed more positive optimistic thoughts, so I changed.

There was something so familiar about this Tuesday. Maybe it was the way you said "good morning". Or maybe it was how you told me you care. The way the tires felt on the ground and the permanent sound that they produced. I thought about you a lot this morning, I wondered if you stayed up later than I did. I thought about if you wondered the same, then I realized that somehow I already knew the answer to my questions, my confusion. I realized that you might not need what I have to give, so I changed. 

There was something about today, something, something. 

March 19th

march 17 2012 note- I'm working on it

ph. mb. pt. three- one million miles per hour

Potential 2009

This was a painting I did during my Junior year. At this time, there were so many things running through my head. So much going on at one time. Was I doing what I really wanted to do? Was this program for me? Is this the right school to stay at? Am I good enough, am I making the right decisions?

Those were just a few questions on top of numerous amounts of questions that I had. It came to this point where I was mentally/physically exhausted from always spending so much energy on so many things at once. I was tired, stressed, unhappy.

I made this piece to talk about how our thoughts, emotions, and actions are heavily influenced or easily influenced and what can come from that. What are the consequences of it? The television for a head represents the idea of influence. The television is a outlet or source of knowledge or lack of knowledge that influences so many of our own personal traits or how we perceive the world. How something so square, and simple can cause us to react in such intense ways.

The tentacles represent thought, our thoughts, the thousands and thousands of thoughts that we have, that are fragmented and tangled but can be traced back to us. I started to realize at this time that if I just sat with my thoughts, on an individual basis. I could confront and deal with each question/problem one at a time without feeling exhausted or overwhelmed. When I started to do this, I realized I was looking at the root of my problem, where it started and where it could eventually end up. And I felt enlightened, something so simple really helped me to realize that healing myself and my stress/frustration/confusion was possible.

The string that is being held onto is a symbol for how we hold onto things that sometimes don't really have that much weight, that we sometimes perceive our problems, our plight, to be much more significant than they really are. The light bulbs represent that enlightenment, that realization that I can do this.

It's nice to revisit old pieces like this and reflect and compare my current life now. I have to remember that a burden is only heavy when you let it stay on your shoulders for too long. You can set it down, you can share it, and eventually it will wear out and it will be completely gone.

Thank you

march fourteen twenty twelve

My mentor

I miss my big sister.

Avi Buffalo- What's in it for?- A Take Away Show

   

You know I love it when you put your fingertips around my shoulders
Should I take you to more functions or would you rather be lonely?
I feel like I'm messing up too much and I forget where I am
You are so much wiser and I'm used to stretching things out so long

ph. mb. pt. two

   I remember taking the same route back to the apartment after class every single day. I remember my last class got out right as the sun was setting. I was always so awed by the lights, shadows, fleeting warmth, pending cold. And I remember that sunset was a constant reminder that I am alive, that I'm so damn lucky.

   Going through all these old photos is nostalgic to say the least. Chao was a really good person, and I miss her dearly. The first day I met her, we became best friends right away. I listened to her, she listened to me, we just had this comfortability with each other that was really rare with others. It was nice to have her as a roommate, I learned so much from her. I always thought of her as my sister, a sister that I would confide to, that I loved and that I cared for.

 
   Junior year, March 2009. This was towards the end of my winter quarter and this was the first piece I made after being accepted into the BFA program. I remember being so nervous because I knew that the BFA program was a big deal, that all my art professors from that point on mentioned it at some point. I'm so thankful that I had professors/mentors that helped me reach this point and encouraged me to apply for the program.

   I wanted to work on a piece that summed up my personal issues I was going through at the time. I've always had self esteem issues, I've always been self-conscious about my looks, I've always been insecure about plenty. This was a project to confront those issues, to confront what had been building up for years, or as long as I could remember.

    So I decided a self portrait was the route to take since this was about.. myself. I thought to myself, when is the only time I look in a mirror? And then I realized that I see my face when I'm brushing my teeth. So I came up with the idea of drawing two portraits of myself on my page of me brushing my teeth. One pencil drawing representing the "real" me, how I really look. And the other drawing which was fully painted in gouache to represent how I saw myself. So I exaggerated my features, I made my face longer, I made my nose bigger, I changed everything about my face and body.

 
   Then I hung up the pieces on a grid format. I used two projectors to project an image of two reference photos that I drew from. To further project that idea of my "real self". I was so happy with how this project came out. My intention was for the viewer to walk in front of the projector to look closer at the drawings and to project their own shadow/body/image onto the wall. Further propelling this idea of self image.

   This was on of my first pieces that I felt helped me get through some real issues that would bothering me for so long. I actually ended up feeling like I had nothing to worry about, realizing that I am me, and there is no need to worry about just being myself. This was also the first piece I ever made for my first BFA critique, which turned out to be a really good and fun critique.

ph. mb. pt. one

So I want to start a new segment with my blog. The phone/mobile pictures segment. I had a dinky little sony phone back in 2008-2010. I used the camera on that phone until finally, the phone broke. And to give you a sense of how "dinky" it was, it was a slider phone that was about five years old already when I got it. I ended up taking a lot of photos with that phone so here is part one of this new segment. I hope you enjoy these random photos and winded stories.

Living in the bay area, the weather was mostly gloomy for elongated parts of the year, so this umbrella became my best friend. I remember it has these holes in the middle that would catch the wind in a certain way so the wind wouldn't knock over the umbrella. I think also having a rainbow umbrella was sort of an interesting social experiment. I always had people stare at me a little different, goes to show how symbolism is etched into our daily lives.

This was my junior year of college so I was spending all of my time at the art department, but sometimes I would go off somewhere on campus to just take a break and enjoy the little amount of sun we did get. I always had these big headphones with me every single day, I was sort of an introvert at this time so listening to music constantly when I wasn't in class was sort of my escape or wall I put up.

That one guy

Sometimes when I think about my friendship with Xavier, I freak out. Eight years of hanging out. We have so much in common but we are polar opposites at the same time. But I'm not complaining, I love this man. He has taught me to be more adventurous, more courageous, more mellow, more free, he has taught me a lot. I hope I've contributed as much to his life as he has to mine.

Cal Sate East Bay, days off, 2008

Identical

The days
The hours
The smells

Non operational showers
Shavings all over the ground
The press made no mistakes
Rolling back and forth
Until the page was full

I slept inside
No time for home
No break until identical

I slept the clock around
When I was done
I picked it all off the ground

Sometimes we get fancy

Back in 2009, Chao, Xavier, and I were the three musketeers. We would do everything together. I miss Chao a lot, I wish we were still friends but sometimes people move on and that's okay. I remember on this day, our other two roommates left for the weekend and we decided to get dressed up really nicely and go out to eat somewhere, anywhere. We ended up at this Afghan restaurant right down the street from our apartment. The food ended up being delicious.

That was a really wonderful year, I will never forget how beautiful our friendships were.