the end of a full year

but who am I

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Kimya Dawson- solid and strong/ smile/ you are my baby/ same shit/complicated

Same Shit/ Complicated

You were looking down at them, they were looking down at you.
You were starched and press, they were all disheveled.
They were holding hands, they were ragamuffins and
They said "I know we're not fancy, but we're on the same level.
We've got plans, big plans we're gonna change the world.
All you care about is dollars, that doesn't make sense.
All you do is hit snooze, watch the news, buy shoes, drink booze, make
Money, feel spent.
Day after day after day, it's the same shit.
Day after day after day after day after day."
Then you looked at them without batting an eye and said
"Hey little hippie, let your freak flag fly.
Why don't you go smoke a bowl in your best tie dye,
Get a tattoo of a dancing bear holding a peace sign.
You can talk the talk but when it comes to real change,
Aren't you and all your little friends exactly the same?
You sit around at potlucks pointing fingers, placing blame,
Drinking kombucha, and eating tempeh.
Day after day after day, it's the same shit.
Day after day after day after day after day."
If you are judging them while they are judging you,
And you think that makes them assholes, maybe you're an asshole too.
Do we argue with each other 'til we both turn blue,
Or find similarities in what we like and what we do?
Yeah, just because someone does not look like me
Doesn't mean that they are a clone or a sheep.
Maybe they like their job and they're living their dream,
And they love their friends and their family.
Some people thrive between nine and five,
And feel like they're choking if their neck's not tied.
And some people feel as if they're gonna die
If their seams aren't straight and their shoes aren't tied.
Some people like business, some people like numbers,
Some people grow organic heirloom cucumbers,
And only feel free with their hands in the dirt
In a pair of old jeans and their favorite t-shirt
Some people feel enslaved when they have a boss,
Some people without one feel totally lost.
To make this world work it takes all different kinds.
We have all different tastes, different strengths, different minds,
So it doesn't make sense to generalize
And it doesn't make sense to judge with our eyes.
We need more compassion, we need to be kind
If you open your heart you might like what you find.
'Cause there are some mean bus drivers, but there's some nice bus drivers
And there are some nice cops in Madison, Wisconsin.
And there's some nice teachers, and there's some mean teachers,
Just because you have a mean teacher doesn't mean all teachers suck.
And no one is nice all the time, no one is mean all the time
Think about what someone's going through that's making them be mean to you
Maybe their pet gerbil died and they are really sad inside,
Or maybe they got in a fight with someone that they really like,
Maybe they are really shy and don't know to socialize
They just want to run and hide, not saying that it's justified
But if we learn to empathize the resentments will vaporize
Situations metamorphize before out very eyes.
Then the need to stereotype will become outdated when we realize everyone
Is really complicated.
We are all so complicated.
I am also complicated.
I'm a black mama lactivist, a home-owning punk.
It's been over a decade since the last time I got drunk.
I drive a minivan, I've got junk in the trunk.
I think Danny Devito is a total hunk.
I like revisiting the shit my therapist helps me remember.
Being friends with someone for a long time, still not knowing their gender.
I fight for equal rights and I fight for inner peace.
I pray to the dead for the gratitude I need.
I've got chickens in my backyard and a little garden plot,
I really hate commercials but I got a slap-chop.
I'm a sucker for a remix, let me tell you what,
By the time that I am finished, you're gonna love these nuts.
I'm a little bit pop culture, a lot bit D.I.Y.,
I don't know the definition of T.M.I.
I write poems about my period, post pictures of my log,
If you don't like body functions then you shouldn't read my blog.
My husband's a musician from the mountains in France,
He wrote me a song, we did interpretive dance,
Then he knocked me up, now we have the coolest kid,
Yeah, hooking up with him's the smartest thing I ever did.
Now I feel like I can fly when I'm on roller skates,
I feel a little high when I eat dried dates,
I don't understand what numbers have to do with success
Or what sales have to do with happiness,
Unless they're the kind of sails that will carry me to sea,
Where my grandma and grandpa are waiting for me.
I never thought I'd make it to 25, now I'm 37 and I'm glad that I'm alive.
If I ever need a tour bus I'm still gonna drive,
Cause I looking out the windshield as the world goes by,
Looking out the windshield as the world goes by.
Now I'm 37 and I'm glad that I'm alive
And I like looking out the windshield as the world goes by.

-Kimya Dawson

relate

version

what these buildings are made of

gentle, compassionate, free

What is time?

If We Knew...

spree

daily note paper

mhm

Hurray For The Riff Raff- Look Out Mama

I'm a heavy headed gal
So full of sorrow
I don't know how I got this way
Oh it's been too long to tell

But I'm getting tired
of going down this road
all by myself

sleep

wheels start turning

adults cause problems

longer

Sonnet LXV- Part- Evening

Matilde, where are you? Down here I noticed,
under my necktie and just above my heart,
a certain pang of grief between the ribs,
you were gone that quickly.

I needed the light of your energy,
I looked around, devouring hope.
I watched the void without you that is like a house,
nothing left but tragic windows.

Out of sheer taciturnity the ceiling listens
to the fall of the ancient leafless rain,
to feathers, to whatever the night imprisioned;
so I wait for you like a lonely house
till you will see me again and live in me.
Till then my windows ache.

-Pablo Neruda

I wonder

Riley

A letter

The loudest noises ever to reach their ears
In an instant, the sounds muffled, eyes closing
They don’t hear their mothers and fathers shrieks of pain
But for the rest of this living planet, we hear these cries simultaneously

What can come out but frustration, anger, and immense sadness?
When at home, her older sister cries herself to sleep.
His mother not talking, still in shock from this morning.
Instantly, life is taken away.

A small, almost silent cry from the basement floor.
In an instant, lungs are filled, eyes opening
She listens as a steady fuzz fills her ears with the sound of laughter
Her small hands moving away from her body for the first time to
reach onto her mothers chest.

A moment that fills his heart with complete happiness.
A grandmother holding yet a another generation with the contrast
of wrinkles and baby skin.
Suddenly, life is starting.

I cry for the abrupt end of a beautiful life.
I cry for the immense suffering, sadness, and loneliness that surround this day.

You are born into this world of tremendous pain.
But all at once, this is the same world that holds spaces for
beauty, goodness, and love.
I will hold those spaces for you little one.
And I hold those same spaces for these lives that have been taken away.
Go on, go on.

Thursday Daily Note

The way that it fills in the empty spaces

four-letters

Conor Oberst- Waste of Paint

Frank

December 10 2012

I fall asleep for a few minutes and I now have a pet alligator. I can't quite figure out if it's an alligator or a crocodile so I just call him Frank the giant lizard. Frank sleeps in the backyard near the old airplane radiators that still let out a faint heat even years after they have been disconnected. Frank likes being by himself most of the time but occasionally he likes a conversation every once in a while. Today he is especially talkative, telling me about how he thinks the sun and moon were once brother and sister.

Now I'm driving my grandpas beat up Ford heading to an unknown destination while the engine screeches and moans. The cab is filled with the smell of fried foods, I don't know why. Judging from the color of the sunlight on my lap, it's three hours past noon, it's been three hours past noon all day now.

The drive is a long one, passing by lots of unidentifiable houses and neighborhoods. My right front tire just went flat but I'm too scared to stop in the middle of nowhere so I keep driving on this flat. As I'm on the road I'm thinking of Frank the giant lizard and wondering if he has enough water and food at home.

The cab is now unbearable with the smell of fried foods, I can't take it anymore, I'm waking up.

Daily note 12/10/12

A daily note not about today, but kinda.

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December 4 2012 daily note

Childhood

When I was a child I knew red miners

dressed raggedly and wearing carbide lamps.

I saw them come down red hills to their camps

dyed with red dust from old Ishkooda mines.

Night after night I met them on the roads,

or on the streets in town I caught their glance;

the swing of dinner buckets in their hands,

and grumbling undermining all their words.

I also lived in low cotton country

where moonlight hovered over ripe haystacks,

or stumps of trees, and croppers’ rotting shacks

with famine, terror, flood, and plague near by;

where sentiment and hatred still held sway

and only bitter land was washed away.

- Margaret Walker

Knowing When

Never knowing

Hayward, Ca.
January 2010

Beach House- Walk In The Park

The face that you saw in the door isn't looking at you anymore
The name that you call in its place isn't waiting for your embrace
The world that you love to behold cannot hold you anymore

In a matter of time, it would slip through my mind
In and out of my life, you would slip through my mind
In a matter of time

reality

Remember that one time

June 2011

Remember that one time Toph had a funny muzzle.